When I was young I heard many voices that set me dreaming.
They sang many songs that got me flying.
Now that I am older I come to fined that in those voices
There was but one poet speaking.
Wednesday, November 21, 2007
How do I want to live? This I ask myself at the time for me to begin a change.
In general: I want to live at peace and harmony with a world I have no power over, a world that is often strange to me.
If it be true as I believe it is, that we create our own reality why then am I not where I want to be now? Is there something I am creating in my life I do not know of or understand? Some secret hidden agenda I have? Or am I fallowing some script handed down to me when I was an infant, revising it as I grew playing it over and over as an adult, looking for ways to improvise yet finding the same end?
In general: I want to live at peace and harmony with a world I have no power over, a world that is often strange to me.
If it be true as I believe it is, that we create our own reality why then am I not where I want to be now? Is there something I am creating in my life I do not know of or understand? Some secret hidden agenda I have? Or am I fallowing some script handed down to me when I was an infant, revising it as I grew playing it over and over as an adult, looking for ways to improvise yet finding the same end?
Saturday, November 10, 2007
Now what? Finding a new way to live is not easy Can I just dump all the old scripts, learnings and habits? I still have to make a living, communicate to some degree with others. Interact with a species over the years I have grown to resent and mistrust.
That is where life has taken me so far. I resent mistrust and sometimes despise my own kind and myself. Isolated in some kind of shell of my own creation not living not dead.
Today I have stepped out of that shell. O ya I still have some junk with me years and years of junk but today I seek a new way to live, new learnings new habits a new faith.
That is where life has taken me so far. I resent mistrust and sometimes despise my own kind and myself. Isolated in some kind of shell of my own creation not living not dead.
Today I have stepped out of that shell. O ya I still have some junk with me years and years of junk but today I seek a new way to live, new learnings new habits a new faith.
Friday, November 9, 2007
"I know nothing"…. Often said by Sergeant Schultz in that TV comedy Stalag 13 staring that sex addict … what‘s his name??? btw(The movie was no comedy)
Anyway these days being 50 something I find myself knowing less and less about life and how to go about living and I would find myself repeating that Schultz phrase over and over in my head. Bob Crain that is the guy… he found himself in deep shit because of his addictions and got killed for it. Couldn’t get enough of the ladies from what I read.
That is where an unmanageable life can take ya. That is where life was taking me. Everything I thought I knew just was not working.
What to do.
A song comes to mind… "19TH Nervous Breakdown" by the Stones… You better stop, look around... here it comes here it comes here comes your nineteenth nervous breakdown.
Ok so I stopped. Stopped repeating all the same old crap the was not working and that was everyting to me… now what?
Anyway these days being 50 something I find myself knowing less and less about life and how to go about living and I would find myself repeating that Schultz phrase over and over in my head. Bob Crain that is the guy… he found himself in deep shit because of his addictions and got killed for it. Couldn’t get enough of the ladies from what I read.
That is where an unmanageable life can take ya. That is where life was taking me. Everything I thought I knew just was not working.
What to do.
A song comes to mind… "19TH Nervous Breakdown" by the Stones… You better stop, look around... here it comes here it comes here comes your nineteenth nervous breakdown.
Ok so I stopped. Stopped repeating all the same old crap the was not working and that was everyting to me… now what?
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